Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Anti-Social Networking

So I’ve been posting tons of things on Facebook. Ya know, cute and funny things that I expected friends and family would comment on or “like” up a freaking storm. I expected to finally say "HOLY CRAP! Alright already with these notifications from all these people that worship me!" But nothing. Nothing for sixteen whole days. Sixteen days! I started thinking that everyone just got tired of me or hates me or something. I wasn’t sure why people wouldn’t care about me anymore though. I’m nice and hilariously funny, and oh so awesome. It just didn’t add up.

Until two days ago when Andy asked to copy and paste a post I told him I had put up about finding a babysitter for Lilly that no one commented on.

“We’ll never find a sitter unless you post something.”  I said “Everyone hates me or something and nobody cares if I need to find Lilly a sitter I guess, but everyone seems to just love you, so you should post something instead.” Andy posted it and got like 10 comments in just about an hour from people wanting to babysit. He first tried to copy the post from me, but he said "No wonder you didn't get any comments, you didn't post anything". Thats weird, but I brushed it off thinking I forgot to hit "post" or something.

So then I posted something that I thought was hilarious (something I copied off a friends status actually, guess I’m not that clever) and told someone to look at it, but she couldn't see it. Upon further investigation we realized that nothing I have posted has been visible to anyone but me since Jan. 20th. Which was 16 days ago.

How could every little moment of my life have gone un-read by others for so long!? People haven’t gotten to see what I ate for breakfast or how many times I’ve been to the gym this week (none). They won’t know which “Sh*t people say” videos I’ve seen or like enough to “share”…. But more importantly no one has wondered about my strange Facebook absence. I haven't gotten any texts wondering if I am OK, or lying horribly disfigured in a ditch somewhere. What gives, people!? Don't you care about me at all? 

But then I thought about it and this also means that I can post anything I freaking want to and no one can be offended because THEY CAN’T SEE IT. Also I discovered I don’t really even care that much. I pretty much just use Facebook to stalk people I went to high school with (that's right) to make sure they aren’t more successful than me (they are). I also like to look at other people’s weddings. I may not have spoken to you in, like, 13 years, but I WILL tear up while looking at your Facebook wedding album.

For now I am just enjoying making fun of all of you and posting the most offensive videos and updates I can because you can't see them. SO THERE. Eventually Facebook will get this glitch fixed and I’ll have a lot of posts to remove. But until then I am enjoying feeling evil and powerful. Maniacal laugh.