Even more plates

I went with my husband to paint some more plates at Hands On Ceramics last weekend. I decided to paint the plates of my mother-in-law and my father-in-law. Andy decided that since I was painting plates with the families’ faces on them that he should paint the plate with my face on it. I thought that sounded like a good idea. The plate is very different from the other ones, which makes it really interesting. I love how Andy’s art is so cool and very stylized. As I mentioned in my earlier post about painting these family plate portraits, getting a likeness is not easy. I had to keep asking the opinions of Andy and my sister-in-law, Lia, to tell me if the portraits even remotely resembled my mother and father-in-law and I had to keep changing things. Here is how our plates turned out…

Above: Andy’s first try at drawing me. He thinks it looks like our friend, Joel Shettlesworth, had a baby with Rosa Parks. Apparently I have lips the size of Kentucky. 

Below: Joel Shettlesworth and Rosa parks

Below: Andy’s finished plate portrait of me. He wanted to make sure everyone who eats at our house knows I am Jewish. Andy, I love you.

Above: My mother-in-law

Below: My father-in-law

Everything Is Better With Cream Cheese

What does a nice Jewish, ex-vegetarian girl love to cook and eat more than anything else? Sausage rolls. The greatest breakfast known to the non-vegetarian non-Jewish man. I could live without meat. Challenge me. I’ll gladly accept. But, I don’t know if I could make it until I find a vegetarian sausage roll alternative. This has nothing to do with my goals, but people keep on asking me for the recipe, so I thought I’d be nice and share.

I learned how to make this Sausage Roll when someone brought one in to share at a morning sales meeting in my office. I took one bite and my eyes widened and my heart (and stomach) sang out with glee. I was like “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS AND HOW DO I MAKE ONE!?” It turned out to be really easy and a surefire crowd pleaser.

A few months later, I became mentally insane and offered to cater the feature film Andy was directing. I had to cook a hot meal for 50 people, every night for 3 weeks straight. I worked full time during the day, rushed home to feed the baby, cooked for the peoples, dropped the food off on set, fed the peoples, then went grocery shopping at One O’clock in the morning, organized the food for the following day, and was finally in bed by 2AM. Then up again at 7:30 AM for work. I did all the cooking in a normal, standard non-commercial kitchen. I’m telling you, it takes mental insanity to agree, wait no OFFER, to do something like that (free of charge no less). I did have a lot of help from my awesome mother-in-law and from a few of Andy’s students. Thanks awesome students and mother-in-law! You guys ROCK!

Wait, where was I going with all this? Oh yeah, on the first day of shooting I made the sausage roll. After that first day they renamed the sausage roll “Sawesome” because it’s so awesome and begged me to make it again. Like, got down on their knees, clasped their hands together and said in the whiniest voices possible “Please, please, PUH-LEEEEEASE!???!?”

No, that last part never happened. But they did ask me several times to make it for them again. So I did and everyone was happy. The end.

So, here is the recipe that will change your life and get you to quit keeping kosher and renounce your vegetarianism. You’re Welcome.

“Sawesome”

You need

1. 1 pound spicy sausage  -Eeek! so NOT Kosher

2. 1 pound mild sausage  -Double un-Kosher

3. 12 oz of cream cheese (one and half packs) -OMG TRIPLE un-Kosher!

4. 2 packs of seamless Pillsbury crescent rolls (I have only found the seamless kind at the Rock Brige Hyvee- for those that live in Columbia- You can use regular crescent rolls, but you will have to piece them together because they are pre-cut into small squares and you need one big rectangle).

Leave the Cream cheese out to soften. Pre-heat the oven to 350. Brown both packages of sausage and combine in a bowl. While it is still warm, mix in the cream cheese. Mix until it is well blended and makes a gross gushing type sound when your stir. In a 9x13 glass casserole dish open up the first crescent roll pack and lay it out vertically on one side of the casserole dish. Put half of the sausage mixture on the crescent dough and the roll it up. I like to pinch off the extra dough on the ends because that dough makes it need more cooking time. Then open up the second crescent roll pack and do the same. They should fit next to each other in the casserole dish, but not have too much of the sides touching because other wise that part won’t bake. Bake for 25 to 35 minutes. The top of the “Sawesome” will be golden brown when it’s finished. I like to brush a little butter on top of each sausage roll when it’s still hot.

**The most important lesson we will take away from this post is that everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, is better with cream cheese.**

Check out the trailer for Vampyras HERE. By this, I mean click on these words, mom.

Above: On set with some of the food we cooked (most of it gone!)

Below: The Cast and Crew of Vampyras on set at Ravenswood Mansion

Below: Sausage Roll photo I got from Googling "Sausage Roll Photo". Mine looks something like this, but way awesomer. 

Why My Mom Is More Awesome Than Yours.

I am not really a super mushy emotional person. Unless a Disney World commercial comes on or a commercial with a dog. Then I bawl like a baby.  I am incapable of love. No, not really, but I have a hard time expressing how I feel.  But, for this Mother's day I am going to tell you why my mom is super awesome in a super mushy way. It won't really be that bad, I promise. So here goes...

When Mrs. Berman, my first grade teacher was being unfair, my mom went down to that school to talk it out with the teachers. She didn’t take a “my child can do no wrong” approach to anything. I was always held accountable and for that I am grateful. When I had a difficult time learning to read, she worked with me every night. Through all of the tears and the tantrums, she remained patient and calm. 

She taught me how to French braid and make lanyards, how to play softball and jump rope. She saw my potential even when I didn’t and showed me that with a lot of hard work I could succeed. She taught me patience and teaching a girl with ADHD patience is not an easy feat. 

She taught me it’s ok to laugh at myself. She once made a little tiny curtain for what you'd think was a super tiny window. She asked me if I needed it for anything and then said, in her punny way, "Are you sure? Because the window of opportunity is closing..." She then hung the little tiny curtain on the microwave with a little sign that said "The Window of Opportunity". I laughed so hard when I found it. 

She taught me not just to treat everyone with respect and kindness, but HOW to treat people with respect and kindness. She taught me how to admit I was wrong and how to apologize. She taught me how to stand my ground and when to just let things go. She taught me how to be a mom. If I am a fraction of the awesome my mom was than I know my daughter will grow up a lucky girl.

I was a very difficult child and I don’t know if my mom knows just how grateful I am for all of her patience and support, but I am more grateful than she will ever know. Thanks, Mom!

It also must be mentioned that I have the most amazing mother-in-law a girl could ever ask for. She is my mom when my mom can't be there and I am so grateful to have the love and support of such a wonderful mother and person. Andy is very lucky to have a mom like her. And I am so lucky to have two awesome moms!

And that is why my mom (and my mother-in-law) is more awesome than yours. I am just kidding. I am sure your mom is awesome too, but you'll have to prove it. I'll give a prize to the person with the most awesome mom (well, the the way I see it, the second most awesome mom, no wait the third). 

Please, if you have a moment, comment and tell me why your mom is awesome. Or why your Mother-in-law is awesome. Or why you yourself are awesome. Just spread some awesomeness and the best one will get a prize that I don't know what it is yet. I mean a surprise prize. Yeah... I am of course the judge on this. You have till Tuesday. If no one comments I'll know you didn't read this all the way through. And then I won't be your friend anymore.

Above: My mom with me, age 1, 1985

Below: My mom with the cake at my firetruck birthday, probably 1988.

Above: My mom is also the best Nana!

Below: My mom with her mommy and my daughter

Below: 3 generations of awesomeness.