Thursday, May 19, 2011

Everything Is Better With Cream Cheese

What does a nice Jewish, ex-vegetarian girl love to cook and eat more than anything else? Sausage rolls. The greatest breakfast known to the non-vegetarian non-Jewish man. I could live without meat. Challenge me. I’ll gladly accept. But, I don’t know if I could make it until I find a vegetarian sausage roll alternative. This has nothing to do with my goals, but people keep on asking me for the recipe, so I thought I’d be nice and share.

I learned how to make this Sausage Roll when someone brought one in to share at a morning sales meeting in my office. I took one bite and my eyes widened and my heart (and stomach) sang out with glee. I was like “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS AND HOW DO I MAKE ONE!?” It turned out to be really easy and a surefire crowd pleaser.

A few months later, I became mentally insane and offered to cater the feature film Andy was directing. I had to cook a hot meal for 50 people, every night for 3 weeks straight. I worked full time during the day, rushed home to feed the baby, cooked for the peoples, dropped the food off on set, fed the peoples, then went grocery shopping at One O’clock in the morning, organized the food for the following day, and was finally in bed by 2AM. Then up again at 7:30 AM for work. I did all the cooking in a normal, standard non-commercial kitchen. I’m telling you, it takes mental insanity to agree, wait no OFFER, to do something like that (free of charge no less). I did have a lot of help from my awesome mother-in-law and from a few of Andy’s students. Thanks awesome students and mother-in-law! You guys ROCK!

Wait, where was I going with all this? Oh yeah, on the first day of shooting I made the sausage roll. After that first day they renamed the sausage roll “Sawesome” because it’s so awesome and begged me to make it again. Like, got down on their knees, clasped their hands together and said in the whiniest voices possible “Please, please, PUH-LEEEEEASE!???!?”

No, that last part never happened. But they did ask me several times to make it for them again. So I did and everyone was happy. The end.

So, here is the recipe that will change your life and get you to quit keeping kosher and renounce your vegetarianism. You’re Welcome.


You need
1. 1 pound spicy sausage  -Eeek! so NOT Kosher
2. 1 pound mild sausage  -Double un-Kosher
3. 12 oz of cream cheese (one and half packs) -OMG TRIPLE un-Kosher!
4. 2 packs of seamless Pillsbury crescent rolls (I have only found the seamless kind at the Rock Brige Hyvee- for those that live in Columbia- You can use regular crescent rolls, but you will have to piece them together because they are pre-cut into small squares and you need one big rectangle).

Leave the Cream cheese out to soften. Pre-heat the oven to 350. Brown both packages of sausage and combine in a bowl. While it is still warm, mix in the cream cheese. Mix until it is well blended and makes a gross gushing type sound when your stir. In a 9x13 glass casserole dish open up the first crescent roll pack and lay it out vertically on one side of the casserole dish. Put half of the sausage mixture on the crescent dough and the roll it up. I like to pinch off the extra dough on the ends because that dough makes it need more cooking time. Then open up the second crescent roll pack and do the same. They should fit next to each other in the casserole dish, but not have too much of the sides touching because other wise that part won’t bake. Bake for 25 to 35 minutes. The top of the “Sawesome” will be golden brown when it’s finished. I like to brush a little butter on top of each sausage roll when it’s still hot.

**The most important lesson we will take away from this post is that everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, is better with cream cheese.**

Above: On set with some of the food we cooked (most of it gone!)
Below: The Cast and Crew of Vampyras on set at Ravenswood Mansion
Below: Sausage Roll photo I got from Googling "Sausage Roll Photo". Mine looks something like this, but way awesomer. 

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