Yesterday afternoon I accomplished another one of my goals. It was a total failure.
Andy took me to a yoga class at the gym. I was super excited to go. I thought it would be fun because I usually like the classes at the gym. My mom, Andy and I arrived at
’s Fitness about 20 minutes before the class. The classroom looks amazing for yoga. It has floor to ceiling windows that make up one whole wall and look out over a beautiful wooded area. We got our mats and arranged them at one side of the room. I did a few stretches first with my mom. Wilson
At first yoga seemed nice. The exact turning point was when she had us do downward dog pose. You are on all fours but your legs are extended with your butt up in the air. My wrists began to hurt a lot. The instructor (or teacher…yoga master?) said that your hands and feet should equally be supporting your weight. Well that wasn’t happening. I kept trying to redistribute my weight more evenly but exactly how to go about doing that is still something I’d like to know. Really, I’d like to know. It got harder and harder and the combination of my very short limbs and torso with my enormous size triple D chest (yes, yes, I know. Leave me alone) did not help. I couldn’t stretch my arms out and touch the ground without my boobs getting in the way. I didn’t even care all that much that I couldn't do the poses but, I was beginning to get stressed and angry and why that was, I am not even sure.
I have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and I’ve always been told that yoga is great for those with ADHD which is sort of why I wanted to try it in the first place. It is supposed to help you learn how to train your brain to concentrate longer and harder (something that can prove nearly impossible for people with ADHD). Getting angry and frustrated did not help me concentrate. Wait no, it did. I concentrated on the clock and watched the minutes tick by very slowly. I usually have a rule for myself when I take classes at the gym, which is that I cannot look at the clock. This time I couldn’t help it.
The instructor kept saying “If you’d like to take a journey, try it this way…” and “Listen to your body”. I was listening to my body and it was saying “GAHHHH! SARA, WHAT THE EFF?!?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? GET UP! LEAVE! GO!” So I was trying NOT to listen to my body. By this point only 15 minutes had gone by and my new goal had become making it through this stupid class.
I kept going. Sometimes doing my own variation of the poses the instructor showed us. I could feel myself getting angrier and angrier and feeling more and more stressed. I envisioned myself screaming a slew of horrible things at the teacher and punching her in her stupid face. I guess that was my journey. A lot of imaginary screaming and punching and little bit of imaginary kicking. I think at some point I even imaginary hit her over the head with an imaginary crow bar.
I am not usually by any means an angry person. I am rarely angry and when I am, “Angry Sara” doesn’t look all too different from “Happy Sara”, except in yoga apparently.
I did make it to the end of the class. But not before promising myself I would never ever put myself through that again. And then Andy said to me that he really enjoyed himself and that he would love to come back to yoga. This is the first class at the gym we have ever taken together that he enjoyed so I said “Well, I’ll come back and do it with you”. What? Really Sara? You’re going to put yourself through that unbearable torture AGAIN!?
Yes. Yes I will. Maybe I will get good at it. Maybe I will merely learn to tolerate it. But I guess I at least have to give it more than just one try.
If you have any advice on yoga, I'd LOVE to hear it! Comment here or on Facebook. Please! I need all the help I can get!
Above: Stretching Before Class
Below: Kvetching After Class